Post Surgery Two Finger Rant

by: Raine

As everyone knows, I’ve recently undergone surgery. It was very successful. No complications at all. The surgeon was really happy. I was really happy on drugs.

At least for the first two days.

And then reality set in.

I can’t do ANYTHING alone.

Sure, after this process is over, I’ll play cello and drive and eat and everything with no pain. But right now I can’t even open the refrigerator door! *sob*

Just now my mom fed me my medication…and helped me drink out of the cup…


I’m a three-year-old again. With white boxing gloves for hands. Did I mention they are orange, my hands? The iodine simply won’t come off! AND IT SMELLS!

Well, the one thing I can do is type with two fingers, and as Shukmeister pointed out, I can play Heart and Soul on the piano. (Very apropos considering the new K-drama, Big, is coming out next Monday.)

In any case, I was whining so let me get back to it.

The first few days all I did was sleep and chomp drugs and sleep some more. But now the pain is moderate and I don’t want to take those things longer than necessary. The elbow is what really kills, but as the stubborn creature that I am, I try to ignore it. However, if I try to open a door, my wounds yell at me…and my brother yells at me.

‬”What are you doing? I’m right here! Are you stupid?”

Why yes, yes I am. I forget that a simple task such as opening a door is now a monumental obstacle.

Actually, I keep forgetting that everything is an obstacle.

Like yesterday, I went to grab some peanut butter (my absolute favorite snack in the universe) and dropped the jar, caused my dad to come running and my cat to flee.

According to my brother, the only way I’m allowed to open a door is by doing a Kung fu backflip (which involves legs only.)

Ah yes, I’ll get right on brushing up my Kung fu skills that I learned from Bruce Lee re-runs. Then, again, practicing Kung fu while heavily medicated could potentially be more dangerous than trying to open a door with recently operated hands…

Sorry bro, I think I must forgo the Kung fu and just have you at my beck and call to open doors.

Oooh, I like the sound of that.

One thing I’ve learned is to use my teeth and toes in ways I never thought I could use them before.

For example, changing my shirt requires ostrich-like maneuvering of my neck to grab a sleeve with my teeth. Next comes the attempt to reach the clothe with my toes. While I’m contorted like a circus freak, my mother comes in to yell at me and pulls it off in one fa’al swoop.

So maybe I haven’t quite learned to use my teeth and toes as I ought. I suppose that news will please my orthodontist.

It doesn’t please me, though. No sirree. It’s just another failed attempt at independence. I’m a sixteen-year-old asking to stay out all night with a co-ed group of friends.

And there’s another major source for my rant: My cat. My baby boy. My ickle Timmy…

I can’t pet him. I can’t feed him or play with him. I just don’t have the finger dexterity or the strength.

Timmy keeps glancing up at me with those big gold/green eyes and giving me that cute little chirrup he reserves just for me. I can only imagine what he’s thinking. “Does she not worship me anymore? How dare she ignore me!!!”

And so I’m being punished.

As many of you know, I’m obsessed with my cat. Or rather, he has hi-jacked my brain and made me obsessed with him. Therefore, it’s utter agony to be parted from him thus. I get to watch as he puprosefully flirts with my family; they pet him and feed him and I feel like a complete outsider. Will he forget that I am mommy? It seems like he’s adopted my mommy as his mommy and yet, he continues to hold me hostage with his magical “cute kitty powers”. The worst form of punishment.

What an evil cat, using his cuteness against me. And yet… *sob*

On top of all those woes and agonies, this post has taken forever to type. I can honestly say that the two finger pecking method is the crappiest form of typing ever known to man. I keep making typis, majr spelling errurs and having to go back and corect evrrythign.

I get these god-forsaken bandages off on Friday and I promise to be realllllllllly good to my hands and elbows from now on.

I never want to type a two finger rant again!!!!

14 responses to “Post Surgery Two Finger Rant”

  1. Hi there Rainie! Hope to see you well soon. I love reading your recap, esp Big. Get well and get back soon okay!

  2. Aw, Look after yourself, and I agree, keep yourself fighting fit.

    I went through something similar with my cat when I was bedridden. Don’t worry, even though it seems as though the separation is bringing much distance between you, he will always come running back to you when you call him. Well as much as cats come ‘running’ when you call them. hehe.

    Wishing you well.

  3. Hmmm… and I bet you don’t even want to discuss bathroom issues!
    Get well soon, Raine – you’ll need to regain total dexterity when you go to fondle your #1 PSH Dreamboat. Think of it as a goal! 🙂

  4. Get well soon!
    I can’t help but worry at the length of this rant; it’s far too long for a non-handed lady – even though you made me laugh.

    Rest and recoup, et prompt rétablissement.

  5. oh you’ll get better in about a two weeks… but it’ll hurt quite a bit if you move your hands brusquely… be sure to go to your therapy sessions after the casts come off! I’m praying for your recovery unnie!

  6. I’m impressed that you can type so much with two fingers and the results are legible! Do yourself a huge favor and enjoy the opportunity to rest and be pampered by your family. Before you know it, it will be over and you will go back to having to do everything on you own. Time shared with family and pampering by loved ones is PRICELESS. The next time that happens you will have to have a baby first–and that is no easy feat.

  7. ouch! that looks painful! hopefully you’ll have a speedy recovery 😮
    lol timmy looks so awesome :O

  8. Rest. It’s only temporary! Abdominal surgery is the same, you don’t realize what daily functions that you use those simple muscles for! Enjoy QINM! Just watched ep 12! WOAH, is all I can say!

  9. Drugs or not, the sense of humor is still here! It’s true than someone discovers her skills when they are needed: I have learned how to type with one hand since the left one is dedicated to 1: Coffee mugs or 2: Apples.
    Timmy is too cute for words. Just take him on your stomach and let him purr. They say it helps healing process. 🙂

Leave a comment. You know you wanna!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s